Sexual Boundaries

I apologize for my long absence! I was away on an extended work trip...which included a lot of hot sex that will take me a while to catch you all up on.

Before I get back to the down and dirty later this week, I want to talk about something that has been on my mind recently: boundaries.

I love rough sex. Not super rough: I still like to be able to take back a little bit of control when the mood strikes me. And I prefer my pain coming from my partner, not from a whip or a flogger or clamps or another type of instrument. I wouldn't mind a whipping, but there is something about hand on body contact from a good spanking or pinching that really turns me on. Or, of course, getting fucked hard with no mercy.

Howie doesn't get off on pain quite like I do, but he'll happily participate since he knows how much it turns me on. A couple of years ago hurting me made him nervous, but now I think he likes it a little more. We came up with a safe word about six months ago when he started worrying about pushing me too hard. I've never come close to using it, especially because he's always worried about coming too close to my boundaries. All of this lulled me into a sense of complacency that a smack would never be too hard or his cock would never be shoved too far down my throat.

One of my strange (and a little bit guilty) pleasures in life is to have Howie rub a day or two of beard scruff all over my back and ass. It can come before sex as a turn on or after sex mixed with some lotion as a way to cool down. My skin starts to feel raw without lotion, and it's the perfect beginning of some super hot and dirty sex.

We started off like this a few weeks ago, and then Howie continued by biting his way down my back, my ass and then down my legs. He got down to my feet and gave me a huge bite on my arch before biting his way back up. At this point, I was face down, half writhing towards him and trying to push my pussy into his face, and half trying to escape his teeth. My pussy was dripping, and I was so ready for him to start licking me, or to have him shove his cock into me as far as he could. Suddenly, he bit down on my ass with all his might, to try to test my limits to some extent. I launched myself forward and shouted "owwww!" Usually, I'll whimper a bit, or tell him that something hurts, but there must have been something in my voice that let him realize how much of a surprise the hard bite was. He immediately started spooning me and kissing me, and held me close for a few minutes, before we went back to some much more gentle spoon fucking

I'm not sure why this unnerved me so much. Howie did exactly what he should have in the situation by making me feel safe and comfortable. I still love pain, and we went back to similar activities the next night. In fact, I'm hoping for a similar encounter this week. I think I'm more embarrassed with myself. I always thought that if my limits were reached, it would come from something much greater than a hard bite on the ass. Something along the lines of being tied up, blindfolded and whipped, or being denied orgasm for hours would have been my original guess. Another aspect of my reaction could be emotional. I was working 12 or 14 hour days, with little sunlight and mediocre eating habits. Combined with the unexpected bite, I could see this pushing me off a little ledge.

Thinking about this a little more, I appreciate the surprise. Part of what makes sex between us so fun and enjoyable is the unexpected. We never go into a session knowing exactly what to expect, but relish the experience as it unfolds. We may think that we are going to play with toys one night, but instead end up fucking on every piece of furniture in the room. Knowing that Howie will take care of me and make me feel safe after pushing past a boundary makes me more willing to approach those lines and possibly explore sex acts that we've only talked about in the past.

It also teaches me to take into account my general wellbeing when involved in somewhat non-vanilla sex. It isn't my partner's responsibility to know how I'm feeling both physically and emotionally, but mine. And I think that will lead to us having an even better sex life (if, of course, that's possible....)