A New Year!

2014 has not been an easy year. A year ago, I was feeling incredibly positive about life. I had a job I was challenged by, a satisfying relationship with Howie, and was making immense progress on many personal goals. Over the year, almost everything fell apart. I still enjoy my job, but it isn't what it was before. My relationship with Howie deteriorated, and eventually fell apart. I still love him, but we no longer share the sexual chemistry that we used to have, and our friendship is casual and no longer as meaningful as it used to be. One thing I am proud of over the last year is an increased commitment to myself and my personal health. I've gone from a cute and adorable girl, to someone who is not only cute and adorable, but also looks hot in a bikini.

At Howie's request, I gave up blogging a year ago. The blog had become too personal and too close to real life. Now, without Howie in the picture, I want to revive my creative outlet. My postings may be slightly different- not as many deeply intimate sexual stories with a long term partner, but plenty of thoughts and musings about sex, relationships, and finding myself. And possibly a dirty story or two. Or twenty.

I'm not sure how effective New Year's resolutions are. But I do have a few deeply personal resolutions that I'm going to do my best to make, and hopefully build back a group of readers to hold me accountable to:

1. Post at least three times a month: I WANT to share my life. I enjoy it. Other people tell verbal stories or play sports, but I enjoy the written word. Even if I'm the only reader and I'm only entertaining myself, I'll consider the blog a success.
2. Get my sexual mojo back: Losing Howie took away a big part of myself. I used to be so confident about myself sexually and willing to do anything anywhere. Sex in a cemetery on Halloween? Totally. Sex in two different cemeteries? Even better! For a while over the past few months, I wasn't even able to have orgasms. I would half heartedly turn on some porn and then fall asleep mid-movie. I've been getting better over the last six weeks, but I want to go back to the sexually confident and adventurous Candi of the past. 
3. Explore my fantasies: This is a subject for a post of its' own. But there are fantasies I haven't experienced yet. I may not get through all of them this year, but I can certainly make a start. 
4. Live to my intentions: I am not great about discussing my feelings. But last year I decided that my word of the year was going to be impowered. Honestly, I failed at this last year. I let my emotions and negativity lead me down a path that was the opposite of impowered...whatever that might be. This year, my intention is going to be electric. I used to have an electric personality, and in some ways I think I still do. But I want to be electric all the time. I want to walk into a room and light it up with my positivity, instead of hiding behind feelings of insecurity. This is going to be the most difficult of all my resolutions, but I'm going to do it.

So, I'd like to welcome back Candi. She's been missing from my life over the past year and I'm looking forward to her return. Hopefully reviving my writing will help me find myself, and entertain a reader or two. Here's to a deviant and electric 2015 filled with growth and delicious memories!