I'm ending January the same way I began: single. But! I did manage to go on eight dates. Does that count as eight for the year? Can I take a month off? Six months off? If I average out to one a month by the end of the year does that count? I never set ground rules for myself during my resolutions, but I'm thinking no.
One of the things that I learned from all these dates is that three people is too many for me to deal with simultaneously. I'm sure that many women would love to be in that position, but for me, remembering details and facts about three different people, making time to stay in touch with all of them, and having the energy to interact with them was just too much for me.
I decided that one date with the Hot Hipster was enough after digesting how I felt about the other candidates. We started texting to arrange a second date, but I felt like he was trying to fit me in the schedule between play auditions and roommate interviews. And having a roommate at the age of 40 seemed a little extreme to me. So that was that.
Then it came down to the Cute Nerdy Scientist and the Cousin Setup. Originally, I was feeling more inclined to the Scientist, but let myself be convinced that my Cousin's friend was a better idea. I blew off a date with the Scientist by claiming to have the flu, and to be fair a number of people were sick at this time, but instead went out on date #3 with the Friend.
So many things about the Friend seemed so sweet. He actually called (not texted!), checked in to see how I was doing while I was out of town, and legitimately seemed like he cared. For the few weeks that we dated, I had some lingering suspicions in the back of my head that things weren't right. He was constantly going out, consistently needed friends around, and could never spend time alone. I'm more of an extroverted introvert. I see nothing wrong with a Tuesday night (or even a Saturday night) at home with a book or watching a movie lying on a close friend's couch in my PJs.
Fast forward to my fourth date with the Friend. We went to a very nice restaurant, which I offered to pay for since he had been quite generous over the first three dates. He proceeded to order the most expensive item on the menu and wolfed it down with terrible table manners. I was a few bites into my meal, when he told me that he's sorry my cousin set us up because I'm so "nice," but he just broke up with his fiancee within the last six weeks, and couldn't possibly get into a serious relationship right now. Being the "nice" person that I am, I tried to make him feel better about it, all the while seething on the inside. Who wastes someone else's time, emotional investment, and money like that?!?! Even at the time, I understood why he wouldn't want to get into a relationship, but I really didn't appreciate being led on like that.
He didn't want to leave after dinner, and I couldn't think of an appropriate way to get myself out of the situation, so we ended up going to a local bar to drink and dance to a cover band. One AM rolls around, and he orders himself an uber for transportation home, and leaves me at the bar to walk a mile back to my house. Again, who does that?!?! Since then, he's texted a few times to see if I want to join his friend brigade, but I'm honestly so turned off by his actions that I'm not even sure I could be his friend. One part of me thinks that I should hang out because maybe he has a cute and normal friend, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to make the effort.
Switching gears to the Scientist. We had a very nice second date: eating sushi at a local restaurant that I love, and then having coffee at a dive-ish coffee shop that we both frequent. He picked me up and dropped me off, and the only awkward part was paying for the meal. I ended up splitting it with him because I wasn't quite sure what to do. During the week the week following, we went out for dessert at a local coffeeshop and chatted for about an hour. I haven't heard from him since.
I know how things went down with the Scientist were slightly my fault. I wasn't all in at first and I put more energy into the Friend than I did into him. I also came to two different pieces of insight that point towards the relationship not actually working in the long term. The first was during a Savage Love podcast, when two drunk college girls were talking about being attracted to their professors' intellect. I was very attracted to the Scientist's brain, but not so much his physical appearance. The second was during a slightly drunken steak dinner with a girlfriend, who asked me "do you like him? Or do you LIIIIIKKKKKEEE him?" And there I had my answer and became content our mutual fadeaway.
This is a freakin' long post, and I'm been struggling to concisely summarize what I've learned from these experiences, since they definitely taught me valuable lessons:
- Dating isn't that bad! I had some good meals, some good conversation, met some interesting people, and have great stories to tell.
- Three is too many for me. Better off sticking to one or two! Unless it's for a gang bang, right? And the odds of that happening anytime soon are slim to none.
- Keep an open mind. I went into some of the dates with a bad attitude, even on the second date. Everyone has potential to be "the one" or even "the one for right now." I need to do a better job of keeping myself open to change and growth.
The February outlook isn't as exciting as the January outlook initially was. But I'm sure I'll have a good story or two coming out of the month and am excited to see what it will bring.
