Rape Fantasy

So I'll start this off by saying that the ONLY way I'd explore a rape fantasy is with someone I trust completely. I once pushed my comfort levels with a past partner and was tied up and fucked when I wasn't necessarily comfortable with the situation. Howie is someone that I've known for years, and as I talked about in my Sexual Boundaries post, I know that he would stop well before anything got out of hand or I was physically or emotionally hurt.

The other day Howie and I were talking about some drama and something being like a soap opera and he sent me the following texts (slightly grammatically cleaned up): Oooo can it be one of those latin soap operas where you and I have a fight!? You slap me across the face, and I grab you and pull you in for a passionate kiss? You try to fight me off but you give in begrudgingly, because you are still pissed at me. You are still pissed, but your soaking wet pussy betrays you and allows me to have my way. Then I betray your pussy and bend you over a table, pull up your skirt and begin to rape your ass.

He quickly followed it up by saying: Well, I guess that is more rape than soap opera, but you know what I mean. 

My first reaction probably wasn't the same as most people's would be, I thought about the fact that I would never hit him. I love a good smacking and some pinches, but I don't think I could ever hit him more than a playful swat on the ass.

To me, this is more of a fight fantasy than a rape fantasy, even if it did include nonconsensual sex. This scenario would absolutely be high up on my list, but I think that my rape fantasy would be slightly different. For one, I wouldn't want him fucking my ass like that- getting my ass fucked leaves me feeling emotionally raw, and I wouldn't want it to happen with any anger, even fake anger, as part of the scenario. I'd also want it to have more of an element of surprise than the outcome of a fight. Maybe have him lurking around my bedroom when I come home from work and don't expect him, or to have him pop up outside my house and drag me inside. The best part would be having him bend me over the table and hold me down as he fucked me, without being able to move or have any control. 

I've listened to a number of podcasts about playing out this type of scenario, and know that it all has to be well planned out ahead of time. Dan Savage had some very sage advice in a podcast that I listened to a few years ago and wish I had kept. I wouldn't want Howie to appear and blindfold me without letting me know who was doing it. But planning out the scenario and then having it happen at a date of his choosing would be perfect. The anticipation of knowing that the fantasy is eminent would keep me in a heightened state of awareness, possibly for weeks.

Has anyone else ever thought about being raped like this by someone that they love and trust? Is it something too dangerous to even consider? 

Anal Toys

I now have an embarrassing number of sex toys. A lot of the time, I buy a toy, play with it a few times, and forget about it. There are a few that always come back when I'm in the mood, and I have one favorite type of toy: anal.

We started off our exploration into anal toys badly, and not listening to any good sex advice. Instead, we used a small vibrator without a flange base, but luckily with a small loop around the top so there weren't any trips to the emergency room for a missing toy. But both of us liked it up our ass so much, that we bought a set of anal beads and a small butt plug.

It always takes me a little while to get used to having something in my ass. As much as I relax and take deep breaths while a finger or a toy are pushed into me, it always feels a little awkward, although it never really hurts. I can truly relax once the toy is pushed in. We also discovered that lube is important, but, like everyone says, a little bit can go a long way.

I really enjoy the stretched out feeling in my ass while getting my pussy licked, or the feeling of having a finger inside me and being full from both holes. One of the best feelings is having a butt plug or a finger up my ass while fucking his face with him lying underneath on me. Having a full ass, a tongue licking across my pussy and clit, and being able to grind my clit into his face is amazing.

Another incredibly satisfying position is to be on my hands and knees like I'm about to get fucked doggy style, but instead to have anal beads in my ass and to have him fucking me with his fingers and hitting my g-spot.

I've discovered that I don't necessarily like the feeling of double penetration with toys. I often feel too full, or feel like I'm in danger of having either the toy or his cock slip out of me. It gives me too many things to think about and I stop enjoying the experience. However, one finger inside me while getting fucked is the perfect feeling, as long as the position and rhythm are correct. For me, one of the best ways to do that is through reverse cowgirl, and I can bounce and grind on his cock with a finger up my ass.

My next purchase is going to be a bigger plug. The plug we have now will sometimes pop out of my ass, which I recently learned from a Savage Love podcast is caused by being too relaxed. The more excited I get, the more relaxed I get. Usually the plug pops out when I get more and more excited, and the sudden emptiness in my ass takes away some of the pleasure.

One of my favorite sexual experiences, and a topic for many masturbation sessions, involve sticking things up his ass. But that is a blog post for another time...